In an effort to get more students involved on-campus, Wright State University (WSU) will begin offering Ostrich Racing as an intramural sport, beginning Fall 2021. The ostriches will also be a permitted form of transportation between classes.
Ostrich Racing and Tattoos
The first annual Ostrich Racing tournament will take place during Fall Fest. Perks of participation: you can get an ostrich tattoo for free at the Student Union.
Benefits of the program outweigh the occasional bruised hip or a broken arm. Students who are involved in the sport will gain lifelong learning opportunities, including how to fry an ostrich egg.
"The hardest part about Ostrich Racing is gluing the feathers to yourself. Last year, it took me four hours to prepare for the first race," Eli Gerkensmeyer, Campus Recreation logistician, said.
According to Eli Gerkensmeyer, a Campus Recreation student employee, Ostrich Racing is an intense sport with more than meets the eye.
"The hardest part about Ostrich Racing is realizing you don't ride on its back; you ride in a basket around its neck," Gerkensmeyer said.
All you need is your own ostrich
When asked about the requirements for participation, Chris P. Bacon, another Campus Recreation student employee, said all you need is your own ostrich.
"[All that you need is] to bring your own ostrich or dress up your mate like an ostrich with feathers to participate," Bacon said.
Critics claim that the increase of the ostrich population on-campus would pose a threat to the current geese population.
“Where are all the geese going to go? An ostrich’s doo-doo is more considerable than a goose’s,” another student said.
“We're excited to bring awareness to animal safety and bring people closer to this beautiful animal," Billy Willis, program director for Campus Recreation, said.
"We will require all participants to wear pink costumes, so they are dressed like flamingos, because the ostrich respects and follows the lead of Flamingos," said Willis.
Cluck above the rest
Willis also expressed the importance of safe recreation during the COVID-19 pandemic.
"The [Centers for Disease Control and Prevention] has not reported any covid cases transmitting to or from ostriches, so we feel that this is a safe activity for campus recreation to provide to our students and community. This socially distanced activity is allowing us to be creative, have fun, provide entertainment while being safe during this COVID-19 pandemic,” Willis said.
“I am ready to feel a cluck above the rest,” Outdoor Campus Recreation Office Manager Paul Casper said.
Interested students should realize that this is an April Fool’s joke. Congratulations if you are gullible and made it this far. While you’re at it, make sure to subscribe and donate for real Wright State updates.
