Weekly horoscopes

Aries: Feeling down on your luck, Aries? There’s a quick fix for this: do five jumping jacks every hour. Not only will your luck improve, but you might get in better shape. Your lucky ice cream flavor: cookies and cream.

Taurus: Looks like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now, Taurus. To remedy this, drink plenty of hot tea and watch videos of baby elephants. Or baby giraffes. Your lucky ice cream flavor: blueberry.

Gemini: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie pop, Gemini? They say the world will never know, but it is up to you to discover this. This is your destiny. Your lucky ice cream flavor: cookie dough.

Cancer: You need a crash course in how to be more spontaneous, Cancer. Choose a different seat next time you go to class. You can’t get much more spontaneous than that. Your lucky ice cream flavor: moose tracks.

Leo: The haunted trails should be opening up soon, Leo. Change things up this year and work for one. At least you’ll get to scare people instead of the other way around. Your lucky ice cream flavor: mocha chip .

Virgo: It’s time to stop listening to dubstep, Virgo. Your friends are tired of you saying ‘just wait for the drop’ when you show them new songs. It is a new era, embrace it. Your lucky ice cream flavor: mint chocolate chip.

Libra: You will a great inventor someday, Libra. If you’re going to do that, please invent something that will stop girls from losing their bobby pins and hair ties. We’re begging you. Your lucky ice cream flavor: strawberry cheesecake.

Scorpio: Your determination will take you to new heights, Scorpio. So anyone who says you can’t do 10 cartwheels in a row can shut their mouth. You can do it. Your lucky ice cream flavor: chocolate.

Sagittarius: Sniffing Expo markers will only give you a headache, not high, Sagittarius. If you’re looking for an escape, try meditation. No headaches (hopefully) and brain cells will remain intact. Your lucky ice cream flavor: vanilla.

Capricorn: Your latest obsession with Hallmark movie is getting a bit weird, Capricorn. Having the weekly schedule memorized is not normal. Maybe try watching the Discovery channel instead? Your lucky ice cream flavor: butter pecan.

Aquarius: Next time you have some time to spare, walk around campus backwards. You will get to know the campus in an entirely new way. You may even run into your new best friend. Your lucky ice cream flavor: rock road.

Pisces: Life isn’t always fair, Pisces. But when life gets you down, blast any film score while driving and pretend you’re in an action movie, going out to save the world. Your lucky ice cream flavor: coffee.